my story

By HannahG on Mon, 02-20-12, 23:38

Posted in Group:

Miscarriage

i feel somewhat relieved right now. i finally told someone about the baby. yet, i still feel like a failure. my biological purpose as woman is to pro-create and be a vessel for human life and if i can’t even serve that biological purpose correctly, what type of a woman am i?

even though he didn’t ask for it, it’s the one thing he wants in life. he wants to be a good dad because his wasn’t. he told me he loves kids, but wasn’t ready for one yet, but if it did happen, it would be a happy accident and that he would be the best dad. when he asked if i was pregnant, i told him that i wasn’t. he asked me repeatedly if was sure and i continued say i was sure that i wasn’t. and something in me believes that he kept asking because he knew i was lying. even though when he first asked, i said no because i had no idea i was.

my body, apparently, couldn’t handle the life growing in it and there’s no evidence that there ever was a baby. i hope he doesn’t think i terminated it. i’m just now allowing myself to think about this because this month would have been it. would everything working out perfect have created an instant “perfect” family for us? would we be playing house, being mommy and daddy to child we created together? would the existence of a person sharing our DNA have made me love him?

i feel like this is all my fault because i didn't want to be pregnant, but when i finally started to come to terms with being pregnant, i miscarried. i feel like i was being punished for not being initially grateful for the life growing inside me. i'm a healthy 21 year old this isn't supposed to happen to me. i know a lot of adults that look down on me and say," it's your fault, if you didn't want to get pregnant, you should have used a condom." i realize that i am responsible for my pregnancy, but i know i'm not responsible for my miscarriage, yet i carry such guilt for it.

Why do I still feel so much guilt? Does it ever get better?

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By female31 on Tue, 02-21-12, 01:31

I'm sorry for your lose, losing a baby is a horrible feeling. I lost 2 but I have gone on to be the mother of five.

I would like to say IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT for what happened. We as women are told our jobs is to have babies. Well some women can't,thing happens and we lose them. I was told I couldnt do anything right, that God gave me the ability to do something I didnt hae to pay for and I couldnt do that. I felt so bad for losing my babies because of what someone say to me.

I'm going to tell you a little story: there was this woman we will call her Rochell, she was raped and got pregnant. Throughout her pregnancy she said oh she didnt want to be pregnant, she hated it, why God hated her so much to have this happen to her. She wanted an abortion, she wanted to give them up for adoption. She changed her mind so many time about her pregnancy until she gave birth to twins 3 weeks ago at 23 weeks pregnant. Those little girls are in a hospital right now fighting for their lives and now she sits here talking to you tell you what happened to her little sweethearts is my fault because I did the unthinkable. I tried to commit suicide and as a result they had to be delivered early to save my life.

My point is just because you didnt want to be pregnant it is not you fault you lost that baby. It is my fault if my babies dont live. If you have faith in God than believe all things are possible.

Losing your baby is hard, you will never forget that baby. In time you will learn how to deal with your lose. BUT PLEASE TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.

OH HI I'M ROCHELL

my prayers are with you

"looking for a way out"

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By Firsttimemom2012 on Tue, 02-21-12, 13:56

Hi Hannah,

Why things happen sometimes, nobody knows. A lot of people get pregnant by accident, while some are happy, some are scared and not ready. Although you sound like you were in the second group it was still not your choice to lose your baby. It just happened and is definitely not your fault. So don't blame yourself at all. I wish you the best of luck in getting through this tough time and I hope that you find the support you need to get through this.

God bless,

Michelle

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