I don't know what happened

I had a miscarriage about two and half years ago. I had my son a few years before that so he/she was supposed to be my second child. Though I was not ready to have another child, I was so happy. I have always dreamed of having a girl and felt like I was going to have my little princess. I found out I was pregnant at five weeks so the doctor wanted me to come every two to three days to monitor my progress. I went in on a Saturday and had a vaginal ultrasound (which I also had each visit). All visits before had been okay but when I watched the screen I noticed that I did not see a heartbeat but it just didn't click. The ultrasound tech did not say anything because she was not allowed to. She sent me back to the waiting room where I sat for thirty mintues waiting for the P.A. I kept telling myself everything was okay. That they wouldn't make me wait that long for bad news. Then when the P.A. called me into a room and told me the news, I couldn't stop crying. All the hopes and dreams I had for my newest little one were gone. I had to schedule a D/C for the following Tuesday so I spent almost three days knowing the child inside of me was dead and I took it bad. I was bitter and upset. I had to go to a birthday party with my son that Sunday and pretend all was okay. On top of that, my son was bit in the eye area by some sort of bug and I had to take him to the hospital so it could be drained. The night before my D/C I slept in a hospital cot watching my son be poked with needles. Then I had to go to my D/C where I had to officially say goodbye to my Angel. After that, I spent another night at the hospital with my son. Fortunately all is okay with him but during this time, I didn't get to grieve because I was so worried about my son. I couldn't get over my loss. While it's true that it has gotten a little easier and I'm able to go a day or two without thinking of my little one, but then I start to feel guilty because I feel like I 'm forgetting him/her. I thought I would be okay by now and though I'm a lot better, I still haven't completely moved on. I still can't keep my tears in whenever I think of my baby or I hear of someone else who has experienced a miscarriage. I feel like people who haven't experienced it cannot really relate and I feel alone because I don't know anyone who has had one. This is the first time I'll ever told anyone my true feelings and I must admit, it does feel good to be able to share with people who understand.